oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
