Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
