I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
