Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize