Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
