I'm really into asian looking animals
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
NoShamevember. You game?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
