I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
