So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
