He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
