miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
