i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
