it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
