p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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