The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
