jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
