One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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