playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
