A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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