I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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