And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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