I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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