I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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