I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
