Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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