meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
