there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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