Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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