I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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