I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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