We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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