you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
