Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
