You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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