Small penises have feelings too.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
