dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
