dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
