And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
