when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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