she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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