I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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