I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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