"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
