Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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