i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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