I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
