I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
