I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
