I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
only you would photoshop your dick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
