Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
