I got chris browned last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
