i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
