Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
