Apparently you make a good broom.
I faked an abortion last night.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
