I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
