Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
