You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
