ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
