you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
