He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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