Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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