Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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