If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
