I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
