Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
