hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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