I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
