I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So vagazzling was a success
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
