Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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