Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
